


And I'll Try To Convince Myself These Feelings Aren't Real

by inspector_spacetime



Category: 21 Jump Street (TV)
Genre: AHH, M/M, alcohol mention, but just in case, death mention, first 21 Jump Street fanfic, first m/m too, idk if i actually mention death, obvs theyre like always drinking a beer on this show
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-01
Updated: 2016-05-01
Packaged: 2018-06-05 12:38:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,349
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6704830
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/inspector_spacetime/pseuds/inspector_spacetime
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is set during the episode where Amy dies. Penhall goes into to see the shrink and is visibly freaking out. He's worried the guy will see right through him. Worried that he might admit some things to himself so when the first words out of the head shrinks mouth comes out...he's not sure what to say.</p>
            </blockquote>





	And I'll Try To Convince Myself These Feelings Aren't Real

**Author's Note:**

> I think I did the shrink part and Judy visiting him backwards but it kinda works. This is my first 21 Jump Street fanfic and my first M/M I don't even really ship them haha but when Doug was like what relationship it just kind of happened.

_Why do we gotta see a shrink? Hanson's the strongest guy I know. He's doing just fine._ Doug Penhall's mind was racing with all kinds of these thoughts as he was waiting on Ioki to come out of the Therapists office. 

He couldn't shake what Hanson had been saying about Amy for the past couple weeks though. He had only told Doug too. He was unhappy with Amy and he was going to break up with her that night. They fought constantly and he would always end up right back at Doug's, having a beer with him. Or at the bar with him or even just hanging around the office.

So when Hanson said they were doing great...when he said he loved Amy it killed Penhall a little bit. He knew Tom, knew how he felt and this isn't normal but he didn't want to tell the shrink. He knew Tommy would get past this, like he said he's strong. (It also crushed him that he couldn't admit it stung a little to hear how he felt about her, even if it wasn't true)

Ioki came out looking smug and told Penhall's to head in. "Wait a minute man, what are we dealing with here? Could he see right through you? Know what what you're dealing with?" Doug knew logically he's a shrink not some kind of magicians but head doctors freaked him out how quickly they diagnosed someone.

"Its all about Tom. Don't worry about it."Harry patted Doug's shoulder and walked off.

But Doug was worried about it _because_ it was all about Tom Hanson. He wanted to help him...but he also wanted to respect his privacy and not tell the shrink how weird he was. He also didn't want the guy to tell him he had...something going on with him and Hanson. Some repressed thoughts about Hanson or something. Doug shook his head as if to clear the thoughts.  _Come on Douglas stop thinking like that!!_ he scolded himself and went in.

He sat down and the therapist looked at him. "Hello Douglas." 

"Uh, hey." Penhall responded.

"What kind of relationship do you have with Tom Hanson?" He asked, his pen poised to write.

Doug's brain flipped out and his mouth began to to spout words. "Relationship? What relationship? We're friends!" He shifted in his seat, his hands gesturing through the whole barrage of nonsense.

The therapist just stared at him. He asked a few other questions and Penhall couldn't take it. "What are you writing down?!" He asked and the shrink glanced at him again and set the pen down.

"Have you ever been to a psychiatrist?" He asked.

"If I answer will you promise not to write anything down?" Doug asked. The head shrink dismissed him after that.

Doug was freaking out a little bit. Did he know what Doug was thinking about Hanson? What he was feeling? No there was no way. 

After a few days there had been a rumor going around that Hanson was acting weird (which Penhall already knew). Really weird, and he had seen the video of Amy. Penhall didn't know what to do. He wanted to help his friend but with all these new emotions he was feeling he wasn't sure how to act around Tom. So he talked to Judy.

"You gotta check on him Judy. Make sure he's doing okay. He's been off lately. He...said he loved her."

Judy looked at him with a confused expression. "Of course he did. They were together for a while Penhall."

"Yea but he kept telling me he was gonna leave her. That he didn't want to be with her. He was supposed to break up with her that night. They fought constantly. And we all know he's seen the footage."

"You're right. For once...but why didn't you just go over there if you felt this way?"

"I-I just wouldn't know what to do. You're a woman you get this...emotional stuff."

She rolled her eyes at him but agreed to go. Penhall waited at the station for her. He wanted to call but knew it wouldn't help. He just had to wait for her. He kept pacing around. Others began to notice. When she finally showed up.

He ran up to her. "How is he? Is he doing okay? Is he still acting super weird?" 

"He's...I don't know. He was out of control. I have to talk to the captain." Doug followed her in as she explained everything that happened. She was generally worried about him and it made Doug sick to his stomach with worry, as well. It bothered him then how much he cared about Tom Hanson. He actually fell for the guy-a guy!-and it had to be his best friend.

After a few more days they had a lead and Tom had found out. Penhall wanted to have his back more than anything but he was working. He promised himself if anything bad happened to Hanson before he had the chance to tell him how he felt he would never forgive himself. But another part of him thought it would be good to keep these feelings repressed. Maybe they would go away.

Not a chance.

Hanson pulled through it. He was doing better in a matter of months. He would still visit Amy's grave. Doug knows there would be nights when Hanson would have nightmares about that 3.3 seconds. 

* * *

 

One day after finishing up a job as the McQuaid brothers they went out.

"Its always a pleasure to work with you Penhall." Hanson said suddenly and took a swig of beer. Doug felt warm suddenly and felt the space they were in was cramped. 

"Um, yeah you too man." Penhall raised his glass in a salute then took a drink.

Tom suddenly looked uncomfortable and shifted in his seat. He stared at his glass of beer as he began talking."So, um, Judy said you insisted she come to my house that night I was...spiraling out. And I, uh, wanna thank you." Tom said and his cheeks were a little pink.

Is it possible? Doug asked himself, could Tom Hanson have feelings for him? He wanted to scold himself but there was that small hope. The hope that never died out when Hanson looked at him a certain way or flashed that damned smile his way. "Okay, this is dumb and tell me if I'm making you uncomfortable at any point. When all that stuff went down I wanted to be there for you and it made me realize I like you a lot."

Hanson smiled at him and Doug shifted in his seat. _That_ was the smile. "I like you a lot too." Tom laughed.

"No I mean like as more than friends." Doug looked away and wished he'd have done this in a more private place. Not at this cheap bar, not like this.

Tom's face was hot. Did Doug Penhall just admit he has feelings for him? Doug Penhall the lady killer? The guy who has never been on a bad date?

"I, uh..." Tom stuttered not sure what to say or do. 

"Hey its okay! I don't expect you to reciprocate." Doug stormed out. Tom was shocked for a moment but threw some bills on the table and followed him.

"Wait! Doug!" He turned down the alleyway that led to their car. Doug stopped and slowly turned to him.

Tom wasn't sure what to do so when he caught up he slowed. "I, uh, might feel the same. I just don't know what to do...or how to go about it." But all Doug had to hear was 'feel the same' and he kissed Tom Hanson in that alleyway even though people might see. He knew it was a bad decision but he couldn't help it. 

Tom was frozen for a moment but kissed back then they pulled apart. "Let's go." Penhall said and they got in the car and drove away. 

Doing the McQuaid brothers act might be a little awkward now.


End file.
